Channel Z
by Professur
Summary: Fuuma gets an interview on the radio.


Sirocco: "Hey ho everyone! This is everyones favorite static, 'Channel Z'! It's me, your beloved host, the one and only, Sirocco! WOOOOO! Back to bring you only the latest and greatest celebrities our time has to offer. Every interview live and loud, every time. To start off the day, we have a special guest whom i've been trying to contact for a long time. He's really quite elusive, and though he insists he changes numbers too often to get my calls, i wonder if its me? Do i stink? Anyways, here he is... HE'S BIG... HE'S BAD...Let's give a great round of applause to FUUMA MONOU!

***Fake recorded clapping***

Fuuma: Hello, hello. Good-bye, good-bye. Good, well i guess this is live, so good afternoon everyone. I hope your all comfortable and seated, for i really am an interesting person and it would suck to miss out on me. Hello, Sirocco. Nice to finally meet you. By the way, i really wasn't avoiding you on your smell. Though now that we're in the same room, i must agree with you. You do smell.

Sirocco: _Weak laughter... _"You don't say? Ha ha, well thanks for informing me, Monou-san. I'll have to pick out a better cologne, huh?"

Fuuma: _silly head shaking... _"Oh, come now. Monou-san is so formal. I'd like if we could be friends." _A VERY threatening smile._

Sirocco_: Uneasy grin returned... _"Well, then how about i call you Fuuma, eh?"

Fuma: "Please. Call me Kamui."

Sirocco: _Very confused frown... _"That doesn't make much sense. Where does that come-"

Fuuma: _Threatening smile ups a notch... _"Please. I insist." _A deep rumble sounds from nowhere._

Sirocco: _Very hurried voice..._ "Of course, Kamui-san! Whatever you say." _Rumbling dies off_.

Fuuma: _Smile notches down..._ " Now, i believe i was asked here to answer some questions?"

Sirocco:_ Shuffling papers.._. "Right you are. So shall we get on with it? Question 1: Why did you become a dragon of earth?"

Fuuma: _Smile drops off completely.._. "...Have you even been following my story? I doubt it, for if you had, you'd know i had no choice. Fate made me a Dragon of Earth. _Kamui _made me a Dragon of Earth. I had nothing to do with it. Do you think i wanted to destroy my planet? Okay, well now i do, but before? No. It was entirely out of my control."

Sirocco:_ Nerves evident in his voice..._ "O-oh really? Well thats too bad. I'm sorry it happened to you.-"

Fuuma: _A cheerful smile..._ "I'm not. I must say i've warmed up to the idea quite nicely. All the power at my command. I'm not sorry at all."

***10 second silence***

Sirocco: _Stares.._. "W-w-well I'm glad your optimistic about it. Many would be feeling dreadful at the moment. G-good for you." _Having trouble understanding why he just said good for you to the guy who is trying to destroy the earth._

Fuuma:_ Evil grin..._ "Optimistic doesn't cover it. Try enthusiastic."

Sirocco: _Unsure what to say..._ "Umm, on to our next question. If you were not a Dragon of Earth, what do you think you would be doing?"

Fuuma: _Cold stare..._ "You mean if fate and my best friend from childhood hadn't cursed me to be evil?"

Sirocco: _Wondering if this question was a good idea..._ "Uh, yeah, that."

Fuuma: _Stare dissolves into warm smile and happy voice.._."I always thought that by seventeen i would be very successful. Top of my classes, good at sports, popular, wonderful girlfriend... A nerd-jock." _Mirthful laughter..._ "Oh how silly i was! Good thing things changed, for now I'm utterly perfect in every way. Lucky break hmm? I must remember to thank Kamui."

Sirocco: _Very unsure if he wants to ask..._ "May i as why you keep referring to yourself in third-person?"

Fuuma: _Confused frown, then brushed off in understanding..._ "Oh, you mean Kamui. Yes, i can see how that might strain your little brain. Now i know you haven't been following the story. You see," _condescending tone._.. "there are two of us Kamui. One of Earth and one of Heaven. The Kamui of Heaven happens to be named Kamui Shirou. Do you understand?"

Sirocco: _Feeling agitation mixed with apprehension..._ "Crystal clear. So this Shirou guy... What do you think of him, your mortal enemy?"

Fuuma: _Taps his chin in ponderance.._. "What do i think of him? Well, for starters i think he's too cute for his own good. I swear, if it wasn't me harassing him, it'd just be some other guy, so no need to feel bad about that. I think i like his eyes best. A very pretty purple. And his hair is nice. And i like how he's small enough for me to pick up when ever i please."

Sirocco: "...That must be nice. How about personality wise?"

Fuuma: "Personality wise?" _Casual shrug..._ "He is a nice person. Or, he was when we were little. Always helping Kotori and the likes. I haven't talked to him much since he came back, me becoming bad-ass and stuff. Seems like he's still a good guy though. Fighting to save the earth and all that jazz. Shame i gotta snuff him. Bit dense. Just doesn't seem to be able to get it through his skull that we are enemies."

Sirocco: "You seem to be kindly opinionated about him yourself, for being enemies. What about the rest of the Dragons of Heaven? Any comments on them?"

Fuuma: _Strokes his chin wishing he had a beard..._ "The others? Not much. If you want the truth, i actually tend to forget there are others. None of them are as fun as Kamui so why bother? Leave them to my henchmen."

Sirocco: _Really starting to not like this guy who can't even remember the people he fights against..._ "I'm sure your henchmen are pleased. And about earlier, i do follow it a bit. The story i mean. Like, i know you wear those funky Lennon glasses. Why? Fashion statement? Bad eyesight?"

Fuuma: _Frowns.._. "Sirocco, my friend, i have this horrid feeling your making fun of me. If so, don't." _Low momentary_ _rumble..._ "It may be hazardous to your health."

Sirocco: _Hurriedly replies while feeling very unsure if this whole interview was a good idea_... "Nope! Not in the slightest! I was just wondering if there was a special reason. You don't want to answer, that's okay. Don't have to if you don't want to."

Fuuma: "I didn't say i wouldn't, just i thought you were making fun of me. It's obvious really. Why else would i wear them except they're stylin'? And it makes it all the funner to look down ones nose at someone when its all a different color down there."

***BEEEEEP***

Sirocco:_ Saved_ _by the bell.._ "Well, that is it folks! It's time to end our session with Fu- I mean Kamui-san! Thanks for-" _Cut off by very scary glare from Fuuma._

Fuuma: _Low rumbling.._. "What do you mean, end? I'm not done yet. We only just started."

Sirocco: _Feeling new strength with freedom in sight._.. "Now, i know i explained this on the phone. A few questions and then if the audience liked you, you get to come back for a longer time next week. We have a guest waiting out there for our next segment. So say your good-byes before we sign off for break, my friend."

Fuuma: _deep frown.._. "But i said I'm not done yet. Who is this that comes on next?"

Sirocco: C_heckin' his papers.._. "Next we have... Yuki Sohma! This will be his third interview ladies and gentlemen." _Sees Fuuma's frown at the name, tries to take the evil-doers mind off of the person he shouldn't have mentioned_... "Here, Kamui-san, a bonus question just for you. This is one I'm sure all the ladies will appreciate... Boxers or briefs?"

**BONE CHILLINGLY COLD SILENCE***

Fuuma: _Dead-fish stare..._ "... What a stupid question."

Sirocco: _Regretting his big mouth._.. "Aha ha, a boxers man, i see?"

Fuuma:_ Disgusted look_... "What in the world makes you think i would wear either?"

***AAAWKWAAAAAAAARD***

Sirocco: _Jelly-legged from the flashing go to commercial light..._ "Well, i think that was more than the ladies were expecting. Interesting. It's been fun talking with you Kamui-san. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

Fuuma: _Pleasant smile(talk about bipolar).._. "Oh, I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again. Very soon."

A/N: So im not sure if im gonna finish this, casue there is more to go, but if i do i do, if i dont i dont. Probably will though. Some time. Or other. And rightio, i don't own X. Nor do i own channel z as that is a song by the b-52s. The one i got static in my attic from.


End file.
